A Conversation with My 16 Year-Old Self

This summer, one of my cousins had this great idea for her daughter's 16th birthday. She asked her family and friends to write her daughter a letter. The letter had to address two things. The first thing was what you wished someone had told you at 16 and the second, was advice to a brand new 16 year old. When I first saw the request, my mind went bonkers. What would be the most important thing I could share? After all, it had been decades and lot of life experiences since I was 16.

Of course, I waited until the day before her birthday to actually sit down and write something. I tried to keep it short. But, what do you say to a 16 year old without raining on her parade? Or, without sounding like 'life is a box of chocolates' sappy about the future? We all know there will be trials. I know I had so many I couldn't even bear to start counting. But, the good thing is, I got through them. Most of us get through them. And, the other thing, would I have listened if anyone had given me the play by play book to succeed in life? Ah, probably not.

Well, I could tell you what I wrote her, but my imagination kicked in, and I decided to play act the whole thing instead. So here's my version of my conversation with my 16 year old me!

OLD ME:  Dilsa, Dilsa, Dilsa. You are a very talented young woman. And what's so great is that you have so many talents. But, the problem is, you have so many talents you are scattered. Have you given any thought to what you would like to do with your life?

16 YR OLD ME: I want to dance.

OLD ME:  Okay, you are good at that.

16 YR OLD ME:  No, I want to be an artist.

OLD ME:  Yes, you are a very talented artist.

16 YR OLD ME: No, wait. I like to tell stories. I want to write. I want to become a writer. No, no. Maybe a singer.

OLD ME: I have heard you sing. You can carry a good tune.

16 YR OLD ME:  No, an actress. I'm creative. I have a creative soul.

OLD ME: Hmmm. Sounds to me like you a scattered soul. See what I mean. Out of all those things, what is it that stops time for you? What is it that you really, really love to do, can't live without?

16 YR OLD ME:  I don't know.

OLD ME:  Think about it. How do you feel when you do each of these things? What makes you the happiest?

16 YR OLD ME: When I dance I create stories in mind. The same thing when I paint and draw. I see a story setting that I’m painting for. And, when I sing, I see the song’s story really clear and I can actually feel the emotions of the song.

OLD ME: Sounds like a trend or pattern going on. Don’t you think? Storytelling. Why don’t you focus on storytelling?

16 YR OLD ME: Not a lot of storytellers make a lot of money. I mean not all writers are like Stephen King and Barbara Taylor Bradford. Most writers are like most artists, poor, broke and hungry.

OLD ME: Where did you get that idea?

16 YR OLD ME:  My parents mostly. They think of the artistic type as loose, druggies, poor, broke, and well just not something not to aspire to.

OLD ME: And what do they want you to be?

16 YR OLD ME: An accountant or a teacher. Something like that.

OLD ME: I know you don’t want to disappoint your family, but what do you want to do?

16 YR OLD ME: I know I don’t want to be stuck in a room filled with kids all day, that’s for sure. I would go insane. And even though I’m good with numbers and stuff, accounting is BORING.

OLD ME: Can I give you some advice?

16 YR OLD ME: Sure.

OLD ME: Listen carefully. This may make the difference between being happy and successful, or broke and poor-spirited, okay?

16 YR OLD ME: Okay.

OLD ME:  Number One. Follow your dreams. If writing or anything else you choose stops time, or eliminates time from your perspective, HOLD onto it. Now when I say stops time, I mean when you get so caught up in what you are doing in that moment, that time becomes irrelevant, you have found something that sparks your soul. You have found something that you love.

Number Two. It’s real important that you remember this. You can’t make other people happy by not following your dream. You are afraid you are going to disappoint your family. I get that. But, their disappointment won’t begin to cause the emptiness inside you that your own disappointment will. You have to ask yourself, which would you rather live with?

Number Three. Beware of empty spaces. Yes, there will be an emptiness created, a void, that life will do its best to fill with something if you don’t follow your dream. Just like a weed fills the empty crack in the sidewalk, life will try to replace your joy with something else. That something else can pose a real danger to you. It could be something really bad or something that is just as bad for you. Some people fill voids with alcohol, drugs, or the wrong, negative people. Others fill those voids hiding behind their work becoming workaholics. So AVOID the VOID. Follow your dream.

Number Four. Stay focused on your dream and prepare for it. A wise man and many after him said in so many ways, you become what you think about. So you should stay focused, think about writing, learning as much as can about writing, and then write, write, write. The world will unfold a writing career just for you. Be careful though, you will have to make a decision on the kind of writing you want to do, or the universe will decide for you.

For instance, I have said so many times I can’t count, that I want to write for a living from home. So guess what I do, I write policies, operations manuals, and twenty million emails a day from home, that is when I am not on the road to do the same. It occurred to me a couple of years ago, my dream of becoming a writer was actually fulfilled. Just not exactly how I imagined it when I was your age, because I really had no focus on what kind of writer I wanted to be. So whether you want to write stories, become a journalist, or a blogger, stay focused in that direction; and never stop being prepared for the opportunity to write.

Number Five. Last but not least, and probably the most important tip I can give you. Always listen to that still small voice inside you. For it is your guide to great things. Hang in there kid.

Happy Belated 16th Birthday to My 16 Year Old Self!!!

Being Happy, Being Healthy, Being Loved

What else could anyone want out of life except a state of being happy, being healthy, and being loved? Sure, we fool ourselves into thinking it’s wealth that we want, and some of us even crave fame. There is no denying wealth makes it easier to be happy though. You don’t have to worry about bills, housing, or food. A wealthier you could even mean a healthier you by making it easier to afford the best medical care.  But, can wealth bring you love? No, love is so basic and so naturally evolving, nothing else matters. The impoverished is loved as much as the wealthy by spouses, children, friends, and family. That would make love the true source of wealth and our very existence. There is something or someone so Infinite, so immense in nature that It created love through the mere radiance of its existence. This Infinite power, most of us refer to as God, has powered within each of us that most prevalent and easily shared emotion called love. Okay, this may sound sappy or not, but love is the resolution to all of our worldly problems. Love can connect us, create harmony, and establish peace with our neighbors and in the world community. Imagine world leaders caring so deeply for their constituents and fellow world dwellers that they would not wage war. They would share the philosophy of “do no harm.” Imagine no one becoming a terrorist because of whom or what they hate; instead they would become peacemakers by loving and respecting others’ differences. Imagine waking up in the morning and hearing the last evening’s news repeating over and over how great and wonderful the world is. There is an abundance that is available to everyone. All you have to do is open your arms and your hearts. Being happy, being healthy, and being loved could turn our world into a true heaven on earth. So spread some love.

 

“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.” Max Muller

“We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it.” John Lennon

Your World, Your Words

Sitting here next to my new grandson, I wonder what his world will be like when he grows up. I wonder what words will define his future. Who will speak words to him that will inspire him and make him feel invincible? What words will he hear to make him feel less than he is? As a writer, I know the power of words in a story line. However, as a human, I know the power of words in our lives.  Words have the power to create or to destroy, to unify or to divide, and to build foundations of success or failure, even happiness or misery.

Looking back on my life, I can remember words spoken to me that made me doubt myself and words spoken to me that made me feel like I could do anything. In many instances, I can even remember who spoke those words. That’s why as I look at this innocent life, I pray the words I speak to him will never cause him to hurt, to doubt, or experience pain, but only cause him comfort, joy, and inspiration. 

Growing up as children, we believe every word spoken to us and our worlds begin to develop around those words. For instance, if we grew up hearing how wonderful and how beautiful we are, we have more confidence than the children who grew up hearing nothing positive about their attributes or characteristics. Thus, these words affected the outlook and reaction to the world they live in. 

The creation of our worlds doesn't stop there. As we all mature and become adults, words continue to shape our worlds: past, present, and future. Since our worlds are shaped by our own minds, thoughts, and beliefs, we have the responsibility to ourselves and to others to use our words wisely. Always remember the power of words and remember words become thoughts, thoughts become actions, and actions create outcomes that design your world.

So for the sake ourselves and our little ones, live by these words: Happy Words! Happy World!

Stood Still Long Enough

After all these years, I have realized that though it is okay to want to be a perfectionist, it is even better to accept God’s perfection as is.  There is no reaching that level in a human existence.  That’s a hard lesson.  I know it is for me who had been living and doing at full-throttle with an overloaded plate for so long.  It was inevitable that again, I would crash and burn.  This last time, I had to wonder why.   What was the insane purpose of trying to do everything and trying to be everything to everybody?  The answer, there was no purpose other than one that was selfish.  Selfish in thinking that it was all possible and that it all revolved around me.

In response to this awakening, I began to study to find out my true purpose, one that didn’t center on self.  And boy, did I learn more than I wanted to acknowledge about me.    I won’t go into the details, but only that it has been a conscious struggle to make a decision on the next direction I want to take in my life.  Sure, part of it is how I will be remembered.  What legacy will I leave when I transition from this plane?  Will it merely be about what I wanted and what I achieved for my personal satisfaction?  Who else will be the better for it? 

An answer is slowly developing, much like anything that develops in life.  Life is a series of moments and reflections, of actions taken and no actions taken.   For a few months, I stepped back to be still and to stand down so that my thoughts could gather cohesively and constructively.  How joyful that became.  One day as I was sitting back listening to the sounds of nature in my backyard, it hit me.  My mind was blank.  I was not worried about the list of things I had to complete.  I wasn’t thinking about bills, or relationships I thought could improve.  I was just sitting there, being silent and just being human. 

In today’s world, we brag about being busy or overloaded.  We are addicted to our work lives, social media, and being in the spotlight.  We seek the material with zest and with zeal.  I think along the way, being human has been put in the background, left to the future termed as ‘one day.’  Standing still was a reminder to me to be present always.  Be thankful for the past experiences, the lessons that created us.  And to be thankful for the future, which will bring the new opportunities to experience joy and happiness.  But, if you want to really succeed in life to never forget to be present and to focus on the joy and the happiness already at hand. 

Dilsa Saunders Bailey is the author of The Sperling Chronicles, a romantic suspense series about a deadly family feud fueled by a love triange and a woman's scorn.  Dilsa Saunders Bailey's shares her thoughts in the blog simplydilsa.  Her books can be purchased on Amazon.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it.  It’s funny how “almost” everything I have wanted keeps coming my way, just not in the form that I expected or thought I had asked for.  For years, I said over and over that I wanted to write for a living.  Then I landed in the medical services profession in hospital settings for close to twenty years.  Most of the time spent in this profession was sitting in meetings, taking minutes filled with a lot of medical jargon followed by writing policies filled with dry legislative and accreditation regulations.  In addition to that, my job responsibilities included writing training manuals and developing guidelines (writing them).  After many years, I finally realized I was earning a living as a writer.  That is what I had asked for, right?

So to clarify what I wanted, my mantra became I want to write for a living and I want to work from home doing it.  A little later, I added travel to that mantra.  I wrote my wish in journals, spouted it to friends or to anyone who would listen, and I thought about it all the time.  I do believe that thoughts become things.  I wanted a writing career to earn a living, writing from home, and writing while traveling to become a reality.  And it did, somewhat.  I have written two suspense novels, and I am no longer the queen of minutes though policies are still a big focus.  I work full-time outside of the hospital setting now where meetings no longer permeate my entire day that included insanely early morning and maniacally late night schedules coupled with a long arduous commute through Atlanta traffic, congested no matter what time of day. 

Thank God I moved from hospital to managed care, which now fills my day with hundreds of emails, instant messages, and more policies to write or tweak.  The electronic conversations alone comprise more than enough words to write numerous books.  Though management is something that wasn't in the plan, I went from managing a staff of two to eight to twenty-six, most of them remotely from their homes.  I, too, work remotely on occasion and soon will be working from home, that’s right, full-time. And travel, right now it's mostly done for my employer.  Over the last two years, I have traveled across country, across regions, and most recently back and forth to Nashville so many times, I sometimes drive there in my dreams. 

Isn’t that what I wanted?  Remember, I wanted to work from home to write for a living and travel.  Oops, need clarification again of what I am asking for; so far I haven’t gotten what I truly wanted. So the mantra has changed to writing novels from home or from wherever I am and to traveling for fun or to promote my novels so that I can become a consistent New York Times or Amazon best selling author. And I have added, to turn those novels into movie scripts and television scripts and write non-fiction books on how to get what you want.   Is that clear enough?  I hope so.  I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, remember this secret which is not really a secret.  “Ask and it shall be given unto you.  Seek and you shall find.  Knock and the door shall be open unto you.”  But, don’t forget, “Be careful of what you ask for, you may just get it.”

Dilsa Saunders Bailey is the author of two hot, sensual suspense novels called The Sperling Chronicles.  She shares her random thoughts in her blog at simplydilsa.    Like her on Facebook’s page - The Sperling Chronicles and join her on Twitter at simplydilsa.

I Quit Smoking Today

I love the stillness of the early morning.  I awaken from my last dream in a warm cocoon next to my husband, not wanting to leave that comfort to start a new day.  So most mornings, I stay in the little cocoon just a little longer and meditate on all the things for which I am grateful, or I dissect a dream I had, or I contemplate the things ahead of me that day.  This morning, after I thanked God for his abundant blessings, I began to look back at my life and realized it was about this time of year 40 years ago that I smoked my first cigarette.  It was a spring like day that I cut class with a few other students.  We went down to the football field and someone produced a pack of cigarettes.  I had been around smokers most of my life.  My dad smoked, so did my uncles.  My grandmother smoked when I was younger, but she quit when she lost her only sister to breast cancer.  I had seen movie stars and television stars smoke seductively on the screens looking sophisticated and sexy.  So I gave it a try.

It’s amazing how your body tells you immediately it is not something you should do.  And it did, I gagged and my friends laughed.  I didn’t try it again for a few weeks or months, but again I was with a group of kids that had mastered this smoking thing.  I tried again and coughed and gagged.  But, that didn’t stop me; I wanted to be like them.  I thought they were cool.  Well, off and on for the last 40 years, I have quit for extended periods of time, five years was the longest.  But, I would always pick them up again using one thing or another as an excuse.  It was always a bit hard, because my husband is a heavy smoker.  And I realized I didn’t like the smell of smoke when I wasn’t smoking, I hated being around him. Because now his smell was extremely unattractive, my attitude toward him changed and I could feel myself pulling away.  So again I would pick up a cigarette, so the smell would not be so offensive again.  Like I said though, that was an excuse.

I started smoking again over the past two years, not heavy.  I don’t think I was ever a heavy smoker.  But, my one a day became two, and recently has become three or four.  I then knew I was going to have to quit.  I talked to my doctor about it during my last physical a few weeks ago and she prescribed Wellbutrin.  It’s funny as she began to tell me the benefits of the drug, the only thing I could think of were the side effects on the commercials.  I shook my head no way, but I picked up the prescription anyway.  What’s even funnier is that I haven’t even opened the bottle yet.  I know it is an oxymoron.  I will put the detestable chemicals from the cigarettes into my body, but I won’t ingest a prescription drug.  I have never been attracted to drugs.  They frighten me.  But, nicotine is a drug I remind myself and then run for a cigarette.

Something I have recently realized though is that I am not addicted to cigarettes; I am addicted to the obsession of having a cigarette.  Is there a difference?  I believe there is.  So I have decided to test my theory.  I am likening myself to the Israelites who roamed the desert for forty years in order to arrive at their destination that was only 11 days away and I am putting myself to an 11 day test.  My intention is not to have cigarette for the next 11 days by trying to obsess on writing instead of cigarettes.  And the smell, well my husband and I might have to get used to avoiding each other if he smells.  So, my goal is to write whenever the obsession for a cigarette hits me until the obsession subsides.  Let’s see how many words I produce over the next 11 days.  If you have any tips, I would love to read your words, too.  Post with me at www.simplydilsa.com.

Dilsa Saunders Bailey is the author of a romantic suspense series called The Sperling Chronicles available online at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Self-Publishing Tips 105 - Ten Great Websites for Self-Publishers

Have you always wanted to write a book and don't know where to start?  Have written a book, published it, and not sure of what to do next?  We write for someone to read it, right?  No one will read it, if they don't know about it or if it never gets published.  Here are some resources to help you land safely in the self-publishing world.  These websites will help you get started, help you market your book, and help you to enjoy the life of a writer.

1. http://www.spannet.org/  (Small Publishing Association of North America-SPAN)
2. http://www.fundsforwriters.com/ (Resource for Freelance Writers)
3. http://www.queryshark.blogspot.com/ (Agent Janet Reid Blogs about Querying)
4. http://www.writersdigest.com/  (Education, Tools, and Tips for the Writer)
5. http://www.writersmarket.com/ (Education, Tools, and Tips for the Writer)
6. http://www.booktour.com/ (Marketing Tools and Contacts)
7. http://www.ibpa-online.org/ (Independent Book Publishers Association)
8. http://www.bookbuzzr.com/ (BookBuzzr-Free Online Anti-Obscurity Technologies for Authors)
9. http://www.copyright.gov/ (US Copyright Office)
10. http://www.pred-ed.com/ (Preditors and Editors)

Book Review - The Girl Who Played with Fire

The Girl Who Played with Fire

by Stieg Larsson

The second installment of this series was absolutely captivating.  I can't wait to start reading the third and final book.   After that, I am going to happily hunker down and watch the movies.

So, why am so excited about this book?  Here's why.  The female character is unpredictable and extremely deliberate in every aspect of her life.  I can ony describe as a woman who viciously pursues justice and has every right to do so.  I loved the twists, the connections, and how the theatre of characters were elaborately pieced together by Lisabeth's own cape crusader, the journalist that wormed his way into her heart in the first installment (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo).

You have to read it.  Lisabeth Salander is a classic and unforgettable character.  Michael Blomkvist isn't too bad himself.  You can get lost in this novel with Lisabeth and Michael as the story of an unthinkable crime against your own develops one page at time.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

The Girl Who Played with Fire (Vintage Crime/Black Lizard)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
 

Reviewed by  Dilsa Saunders Bailey, author of Dreams Thrown Away, a romantic suspense novel and the first in the series of The Sperling Chronicles.

Quote of the Day - May 11, 2011

"Music is the pleasure the human mind experiences from counting without being aware that is is counting."

Gottfried Liebniz

Leibniz Philosophical Writings

Leibniz: An Intellectual Biography

Discourse on Metaphysics, Correspondence with Arnauld and Monadology

New information gives you a new perspective

Remember the anxiety you used to feel when you were starting a new class or a new grade in school.  You knew at the end of the last school year or the last semester, you would be leaving that which had become familiar behind.  Or, perhaps it was time for the ultimate…graduation, and life as you knew it was sure to change.  There are many situations like this that I could describe, the ending of one familiar experience to be replaced with the unknown.  But, isn’t it wonderful how the unknown becomes the known, giving you a new learning experience as well as a new perspective?

Let’s look at the new perspective for a minute from the learning aspect.  Dictionary.com defines learning as:  knowledge acquired by systematic study in any field of scholarly application or the act or process of acquiring knowledge or skill or the modification of behavior through practice, training, or experience.   Did you notice two of the definitions referenced ‘acquired knowledge’ and the last reference a ‘modification of behavior’?  Why?  The objective of learning something new, even if it is triggered by instinctive behavior, is to modify your behavior.  And, why does the modification of behavior take place?  Because, what you have learned grants you the ability to look at your world from a different perspective, good or bad or indifferent, but differently.

In the lathering process, you want to acquire knowledge that will modify the type of decisions you make in life.  For example, when you were younger and thinner and moving all the time you could buy a box of Girl Scout Cookies, consume the whole box, and not suffer any consequences.  Perhaps, as you grew older, you noticed the pounds beginning to stay with you no matter what, except the no matter was an improper diet.  You began to pay attention, acquired knowledge about the affects of poor or healthy eating habits.  You learned how that very tasty box of cookies could possibly add two or three pounds to your ever increasing thighs. 

If you are lathering properly though, you will use the acquired knowledge to motivate a change in your behavior.  You will now make the decision to eat a few cookies at a time over an expanded period of time, and not the whole box in one sitting.  You will look at that colorful and delicious box of cookies from a new perspective.  You will deem those cookies as a means to satisfy your sweet taste little by little, without overindulging and reducing the likelihood of those cookies adding even a centimeter to the diameter of those thighs.

What were the Lather Rinse Repeat practices in this article?

Lather – you learned you could change your outcome (the size of your thighs)

Rinse – you assessed what you learned (the effects of poor diet versus a healthy diet)

Repeat – you made the right choice (smaller portions of the cookies make your thighs happy)

Dilsa Saunders Bailey is in the process of writing the non-fiction book, Lather Rinse Repeat.  If you would like to learn more about the concept, contact her for your next speaking engagement.  Or, blog with her here at simplydilsa.

Don’t forget to pick up her novel, Dreams Thrown Away.  The romantic suspense novel that tracks a couple whose drive to reach their dreams drives them to make all the wrong decisions leaving all sorts of havoc behind including sex, lies, and murder.